No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
