The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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