dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
