that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
