my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
