if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
