My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
