She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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