please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
