Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
