I can text with my tongue
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
