if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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