It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We just shotgunned beers for America
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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