I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
They took my balls.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
