Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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