i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
barbara walters just said penis...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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