ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
im holly from the hills drunk
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
