As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
