Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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