i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
