Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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