I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
