lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
