Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
