maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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