Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
