We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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