i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
