You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
