note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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