Please, let me fuck your mom
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
