You just made me feel so damn special
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
