I puked a lego.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
