This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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