i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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