There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
