I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
