I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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