Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
