I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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