why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
