Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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