there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
