Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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