My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
