I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
