At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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