Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
