How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
