I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
