ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
