I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
