I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
