Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
