I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
